[Bizarrely, it's that quiet assertion that is quickest to clear Johanna's head. It isn't that she can't do it, she can do anything, and her eyes snap open so she can turn a glare on at Kate--eyes a little too wide but mouth dead set in a scowl. It lacks a little of her usual heat, tear-stained and pale under her flushed cheeks--but it's a start, anyways.
Hate is something grounding, something she can hold to. She can, and she'll prove it, and she sucks in another great gulp of air, too much--but she lets it out, steady, steadier than she was before--and the next is better, and the next is better still. Kate's knee is warm and solid and real, not affectionate or cloying but there, just there, enough. Johanna shuts her eyes again, and this breath is even steadier--and then she sags back, a melt back against the pillow and mattress, her eyes still wide open and staring up at the ceiling.
There, she thinks, with finality. Her heart is still beating hard in her chest, and she wills it to stop. There. Done. Her gaze flicks over to Kate, one quick glance, and then away, like she's afraid of what she might see. Except she's never afraid. She burned off all of her fear. That has to be true.]
no subject
Hate is something grounding, something she can hold to. She can, and she'll prove it, and she sucks in another great gulp of air, too much--but she lets it out, steady, steadier than she was before--and the next is better, and the next is better still. Kate's knee is warm and solid and real, not affectionate or cloying but there, just there, enough. Johanna shuts her eyes again, and this breath is even steadier--and then she sags back, a melt back against the pillow and mattress, her eyes still wide open and staring up at the ceiling.
There, she thinks, with finality. Her heart is still beating hard in her chest, and she wills it to stop. There. Done. Her gaze flicks over to Kate, one quick glance, and then away, like she's afraid of what she might see. Except she's never afraid. She burned off all of her fear. That has to be true.]