[ Kate absolutely appreciates the effort, and has zero complaints about the state of her eggs as she knife and fork cuts toast, tomato, white and yolk all together into a bite.
She chews as she listens, eyes directed somewhere on the table just between their plates. It looks less like she's avoiding eye contact and more like she's just thoughtful, and she looks up about halfway through to listen more politely. Lips purse at the last, and she spends a moment balancing beans onto a little bit of everything else, eating it with better-mannered neatness than it warrants before finally replying. ]
Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's part of what bothers me about it. I mean aside from the whole 'there is something in my head that can control me' thing in principle being horrible, I just--. I don't know how it works. I don't know if it put all of that there, or if it was playing strings that already existed, you know? Am I actually capable of what I was going to do? And if I'd done it....
[ She trails off, lips thinned to a pale and narrow line as she twirls a fork in the over-medium bit of her egg. ]
If I'd done it, and then fought the compulsion off, wouldn't it be? My fault? If I can fight it off-- and I could, I did, eventually-- then isn't it on me that I didn't sooner? It shouldn't have taken me that long to recognize that it was wrong.
no subject
She chews as she listens, eyes directed somewhere on the table just between their plates. It looks less like she's avoiding eye contact and more like she's just thoughtful, and she looks up about halfway through to listen more politely. Lips purse at the last, and she spends a moment balancing beans onto a little bit of everything else, eating it with better-mannered neatness than it warrants before finally replying. ]
Yeah, I don't know. I guess that's part of what bothers me about it. I mean aside from the whole 'there is something in my head that can control me' thing in principle being horrible, I just--. I don't know how it works. I don't know if it put all of that there, or if it was playing strings that already existed, you know? Am I actually capable of what I was going to do? And if I'd done it....
[ She trails off, lips thinned to a pale and narrow line as she twirls a fork in the over-medium bit of her egg. ]
If I'd done it, and then fought the compulsion off, wouldn't it be? My fault? If I can fight it off-- and I could, I did, eventually-- then isn't it on me that I didn't sooner? It shouldn't have taken me that long to recognize that it was wrong.