alsohawkeye | ataraxion inbox

They're really not worth the effort. This is why casual is perfect.

[ Kate is definitely the best person to take relationship advice from for sure.

She shifts onto the floor, folding her legs in front of her and scooping Diablo up into her lap before he has time to wonder what's happening. He's big and squirmy but Kate has fast hands and more patience with puppies than people. She plays with his paws and scratches his belly and ducks her head low to talk to him in an undertone and overall seems to forget for a minute that Claire is in the room and they are having a conversation. ]

I don't really think I'm a casual kind of person.

[ Maybe someday, when she's more comfortable in her own skin. It's a strange kind of dichotomy, considering her reluctance to even form relationships in the first place. Casual would be easier for feeling a connection without having to have any of the strings, but her propensity to look for that connection she wants but is terrified of having in the first place overpowers the urge to just have things be anonymous. It helps that she's a virgin, still - or doesn't - and no matter what her perspective is on sex - mostly she doesn't care - Claire assumes having something casual is easier when you've already done it a couple of times.

She's very comfortable with what she has, besides. ]

If you ever wanted to hang out with him, or walk him, or, seriously, anything. I wouldn't mind.

That's fair [ Kate says and not in that way that people say it (and she says it) where it really means "fine, suit yourself" but like she does actually agree that that is a perfectly valid approach. It's easier to sound nice (to be nice, because it's not like she's faking it) when you're playing with a puppy, one who is sat in her lap and quickly learning the game where she puts her hand on his paw and then tries to pull it away before he can get his paw on top of her hand. She looks up after a second and smiles. ]

I'd love to. I had a dog, at home. Or technically Clint had a dog. Or really technically technically, some tracksuit draculas had a dog, but they were kicking him around so Clint brought him home and named him Lucky, and then he came with me when I went to California. [ She makes a 'long story short' gesture, twirling a circle in the air with her hand. ] I miss him.

[ But enough about that. She flips Diablo's ears over his eyes. ]

It took me a while to get used to the idea of casual. And then my first one night stand I ended up basically living with for the better part of a year. But space sucks, so. Might as well have some fun.

[ Tracksuit draculas? Claire isn't sure the image that she's getting is what Kate is actually referring to, though she has to admit that it does make the story that much more colorful in her head, as she's envisioning it alongside Kate's voice spelling it. She hopes Clint also staked those tracksuit draculas or at least punched them in the face a couple of times but doesn't ask. She doesn't want to offend Diablo. Or talk about a dog that Kate misses.

For her part, Claire never actually had a big floppy family dog, and her mom's Poms were always on a tight schedule and training regime. Not really the kind of animal that you roll around with in the backyard. ]

It's probably smarter to just do things casually, if you're capable of not getting too invested. But I guess you'd probably have to be a cold-hearted bastard if you didn't care that someone you slept with once got shot off into space or... if they missed a jump or disappeared or something. And I don't think anyone in this room is that. Maybe Diablo. [ She recognizes that her entanglements are terrifying and dangerous for her in that respect, but Claire also is willing to acknowledge that she wants them and deserves them and there's very little option in getting rid of them. As evidenced by her sitting here, for one. ] I mean I've never - well. The past couple of relationships that I've had were unmitigated disasters, even Gretchen. I haven't gotten to the fun part with anyone yet.

[ Is a really lame way of announcing her virgin club membership card. Lifelong member, but she really, really does not think about that. As no one should. ]

[ Kate never had a dog growing up either, part of why she's latched on to Lucky hard enough to consider him (at least partly) hers instead of letting Clint fumble around and do a well-intentioned but sometimes half-assed job dog-rearing. Dogs can't live on pizza alone no matter how much they enjoy it. At least not cheap pizza.

Claire goes on and she pulls a bit of a face at the top of Diablo's head, not sure for a moment whether she ought to be kind of offended or not. She's more confused, ultimately, and Claire doesn't seem to mean it meanly or about her at all, so whatever. She plays with puppy paws more, and ruffles his sides. ]

You're not a cold hearted bastard, are you buddy? No way. I mean I cared when Aidan left, I guess [ this directed obviously at Claire instead of the dog ] but he just went home and it was probably for the best that ended when it did anyway. Johanna.... [ She just shrugs. Who the hell knows how that's going to end.

She's more than capable of reading between the lines, but doesn't comment directly, at least not right away. Instead she says, vaguely but because she's not sure how to explain more than because she's trying to avoid the subject: ] None of mine have ended well but they were...complicated.

Which makes it sound like I've had some long string of boyfriends instead of really just two but they were both kind of disasters. Okay at the time and sort of-- important in some way, but never going to work out.

The fun part is the best part, though. As T-Rex says, "feelings are boring, kissing is awesome."

[ Claire arches an eyebrow and tries to parse through that before opening her mouth and embarrassing herself in some way, but there's no getting around it. ]

T-Rex? I know dinosaurs didn't come back from extinction just to start handing out relationships advice.

[ Although, given she and Kate's mutual and discussed track record, maybe a dinosaur would be able to help them more than they're able to help themselves. She is still pretty sure that she is going to fuck up royally with what she has now, which is the exact opposite of casual in so many ways, but even calling attention to that makes her feel like she's going to throw up. ]

It's from a webcomic. [ Kate looks up to smile, and shrug. ] My friends are nerds. But it's true!

[ Diablo starts trying to gnaw on her jeans and she shoves him free, evading snippy teeth on the way. She palms her comm, typing with a thumb while she fends off his playful attacks. She's clearly a little distracted as she asks: ]

So other than fed up with puppies, how are things?

My friends are nerds, and I've never heard about this until right now.

[ And frankly she sounds a little put out over it. Also, gosh, Kate, there is this whole heartening reunion happening here, and you are going to text while it takes place? Rude. Claire snatches Diablo around the middle and sets him on a collision course for anything that isn't Kate's pants. This will likely end up being any number of Kate's other possessions, but he's less destructive than Tug and just more curious and cautiously optimistic by nature. ]

Fine, I guess. [ Pause. ] Well. Good, actually. I'm not dead yet, so I figure that's got to be a plus, right? I went back down into the corridors after the last jump. Didn't really find anything, which is annyoing.

Maybe it doesn't exist in your universe? That would be sad. It's just called Dinosaur Comics. If you remember things when you get home you'll have to look it up.

[ It is kind of rude, isn't it? It doesn't last long, Kate's head popping up again as Claire snatches Diablo away. She watches him explore as she taps a couple more keys and then puts her phone away again. ] Sorry. Wait, you went back into the halls?

[ Kate's frown is concern, but clearly Claire is here and fine. Of course Claire would be fine. ] Did everyone get back okay? [ That is very clearly her first priority, and only second comes a repeat of what she's said whenever the subject of new expeditions has come up since their return from the halls: ] I really think we need new angles on this. More recon's not going to get us anywhere. I guess it's good to know the halls are open again, though.

[ Claire doesn't want to have to think about maybe or maybe not remembering when she gets home. Sometimes she thinks that she doesn't even want to get home. There's a writhing mass of consequences waiting for her when she does, and she would rather deal with space insanity any day than deal with the guilt of what she's done. Being away from it this long has given her a bleaker perspective, with more time to reflect. Maybe one day she'll be more positive about it.

As for Kate's questions, Claire nods, both in agreement and affirmation. ]

It was exhausting, honestly. I think I slept for eight hours straight without even moving. I don't know how good it is to know that the halls are open again. Even when we go down there and come up with different things, it's still the same dead end. More questions with less answers, less room for answers. I wish that I had more of a mind for research. I've been looking back through the network trying to find anything that might explain what's happening or why, but it's like putting together a puzzle with pieces that don't fit each other. And also I'm blind. And I've never put a puzzle together in my life.

ataraxion inbox

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject